Therapy
My approach to counselling
As a counsellor, I support working mums – as well as people struggling to start a family – navigate their journeys to and through motherhood.
Without getting too technical, I am an integrative therapist, which means I draw from different counselling approaches to help my clients, depending on their needs*.
*Here’s the science bit! The main theories I draw from are Person-Centred, Psychodynamic, Transactional Analysis, Transpersonal and Existential therapy.
Don’t worry if these terms mean nothing to you – you don’t really need to know the ins and outs. But if you’re curious, you can find out more on the British Association of Counselling & Psychotherapists website (of which I am a member and adhere to its Ethical Code of Conduct).
I’m also happy to discuss how I work further when we speak in person.
Contrary to what some people might think about counselling, I don’t simply sit back, tilt my head a little and nod a lot! Yes, there’ll be some of that, but I will also help you unpack what’s going on and gently challenge where appropriate, with kindness, sensitivity and your best interests at heart.
Together we can make sense of what’s making you feel stuck and heal the wounds towards a more positive and healthy mindset. People describe me as warm, trustworthy and approachable, and I am empathic, respectful and non-judgemental in all my sessions.
I believe the relationship between me and my clients is the key to successful therapy. My aim is that you feel seen, heard and understood.
How I can help you
My three main areas of focus are:
You may be exploring counselling for many different reasons, from seeking help because things are feeling out of control in the here and now, to recognising the need to resolve your long-standing issues that you don’t want to pass on to your children.
You might feel you’ve lost sight of your identify, or are looking to regain your sense of purpose. Or perhaps you want to explore the prospect of making some big changes in your life beyond simply being a mum.
The clients I see have many different challenges, from finding it difficult to start a family and the roller coaster that is the IVF journey, to coping with the after effects of a difficult pregnancy or birth.
They may also be struggling as a new mother and all the many ways parenthood can trigger intense feelings that can come out of the blue or build up over time. Some clients have seen generalist psychotherapists before and then seek my help because I specialise in pre- and postpartum mental health.
Others have had short-term counselling (like CBT) and feel they have unresolved issues that still need exploring. Many have never had therapy but recognise the benefits of unpicking whatever is going on for them to improve their lives and their family’s.
Infertility
Trying for a baby
You’ve probably heard how common infertility is. According to the NHS, around 1 in 7 couples may have difficulties conceiving. But it might not feel like that when you’re trying to get pregnant, and everyone around you seems to be.
You may be at the start of your fertility journey, or several years down the line. You might have just found out you or your partner have fertility issues, be on a waiting list to see a specialist or paying for yet another round of private IVF. Perhaps you already have a baby, but are struggling to get pregnant again.
While all clients have different situations, I often come across the following common issues:
- primary infertility
- secondary infertility
- infertility due to male factor
- fears around the IVF process
- relationship problems stemming from infertility
- jealousy around other pregnancies
- coping emotionally during unsuccessful IVF rounds
- deciding when to move to Plan B (adoption, donor).
We can work through your issues together if you are trying for a baby and finding it all a bit hard to manage.
Prenatal
Pregnancy
Research shows that it is not uncommon to experience mental health problems at some point during pregnancy. While being pregnant can be a magical time, for some women it marks the beginning of an uncertain and stressful period in their lives.
For many of us, the journey to become pregnant was long and emotional. Now we’re pregnant, there’s a fear it could all end tomorrow. For others, pregnancy was a surprise – a shock even – and it’s hard to process how we’re feeling deep inside. Perhaps you’re expecting twins. Or triplets! We should be happy, but why aren’t we?
Common issues I often come across include:
- surprise pregnancies
- severe morning sickness, leading to low mood and depression
- anxiety around the health of the baby and birth
- pre-scan stress
- gender disappointment
- possible complications with the baby
- considering abortion, or guilt following an abortion
- fears about becoming a mum (How will I cope? Will I be good enough?)
- worries around money and relationships.
Being pregnant is a huge life change, and there’s a lot to consider. If we work together, we can explore your fears and help you feel more prepared for what’s ahead.
Asking for help is the most courageous thing you can do.
Charlie Mackesy
Postnatal / postpartum
Bereavement
Another shocking statistic you may have come across is it’s estimated that one in four pregnancies end in loss during pregnancy or birth.
Losing a baby at whatever stage of pregnancy is one of the most devastating experiences any parent can go through.
Common issues include:
- miscarriage (early, late, missed)
- ectopic pregnancies
- molar pregnancies
- terminating a pregnancy for medical reasons
- still birth
- neonatal death (following premature birth, complications, infections, congenital anomaly).
If you have lost a child or baby (including miscarriage) I can help you to make sense of your grief and move forward again at this difficult time.
New mum (for the first time, second or third…)
Having a baby takes some considerable adjustment, so it’s no wonder that up to 85% of new mothers struggle with the so called ‘baby blues’ or emotional difficulties in pregnancy or the first year.
Many of us have gone from being successful career women, with an active social life and a clear sense of identity, to suddenly being responsible for a baby yet feeling completely alone. It’s easy to look at other mums who seem to have their stuff together and feel like we’re failing in comparison.
While the issues that can come up are too numerous to list, some of the common things I hear include:
- birth trauma and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
- attachment issues and difficulties bonding with the baby
- breast feeding challenges
- maternal burnout, overwhelm and exhaustion
- postnatal depression and anxiety
- obtrusive thoughts about the baby
- obsessive compulsive behaviour (OCD)
- body issues and self-confidence
- loss of identity
- loneliness and isolation, perhaps due to lack of support
- ‘mum rage’ – anger towards partner, baby, parents, pets, and/or self
- complicated feelings around own childhood/parents and the impact on your parenting style
- resentment, leading to a strain on relationships.
New mums often feel embarrassed or ashamed about how they feel, but you are not alone.
If you’re having feelings that you don’t want, and you’re not sure how to change that, contact me to find out how we can work together.
And beyond
After the first year or so of motherhood, some may have expected they’d have it all figured out. But being a parent is an evolving process.
Perhaps you’re back at work and balancing everything is overwhelming. You may have a baby and a toddler, and struggling to cope with the lack of sleep and toddler tantrums. Or you could be a stay-at-home mum and mourning the life you used to have.
It’s sometimes hard to pinpoint why you might be dissatisfied with life at times. Here are some of the common things I hear in the therapy room:
- feeling stuck in a rut
- unhappy in current job
- bored with the monotony of motherhood
- weakened relationship with partner – lack of intimacy
- existential crisis – Who am I? Why am I here? What’s my purpose?
Of course, any of the above issues are not exclusive to mums. But you may find it helpful to speak with someone who specialises in working with new mums and the problems that are often associated with that period of your life.
Parenthood can trigger intense feelings that can come out of the blue or build up over time.
How much therapy?
I typically support clients over several weeks and months and meet on a weekly basis. I believe ‘deep therapy’ allows us to get to the root cause of issues rather than provide a ‘quick fix’, which I find rarely leads to long-lasting change.
(If you’ve had therapy before and are still struggling with the same problems, you’ll know what I mean.)
However, I appreciate paying for long-term counselling, especially if you’re on maternity leave or are a stay-at-home mum, can be a stretch.
If you find you need one-to-one help, I believe therapy is the best investment you’ll ever make for yourself. Counselling has the power to transform lives forever.
That’s my experience, so I always urge others to do the same, whether with me or another therapist – short or long-term. And if you’re anything like me, you’ll wish you’d done it sooner.